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Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
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