I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
please don't ironically join a cult
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