The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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