she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.