he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
