To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it