I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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