her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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