I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?