she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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