and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i've created a new STD.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
