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She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
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