Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm fucking your sister right now.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.