I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
