I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard