Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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