Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
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I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
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hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think i have herpe
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job