He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
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Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"