We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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