We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!