He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers