He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers