Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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