I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.