Texts From Last Night

dpem5's Favorites Texts:

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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.

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  (864): I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out. http://tfl.nu/hn3q
  Replies (3) Good night (1796) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

  (714): View more from California

  Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

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  (712): Doctor said I have sports induced asthma. (714): Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape." http://tfl.nu/hfcj
  Replies (37) Good night (9685) Bad night (1457)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.

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  (443): she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs. http://tfl.nu/nz73
  Replies (13) Good night (7790) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend

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  (506): my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend http://tfl.nu/ehpb
  Replies (13) Good night (4398) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.

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  (940): I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me. http://tfl.nu/wgik
  Replies (2) Good night (917) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.

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  (916): But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening. http://tfl.nu/sf5x
  Replies (2) Good night (881) Bad night (1397) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.

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  (954): I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about. http://tfl.nu/gd5e
  Replies (43) Good night (1140) Bad night (8990) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now

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  (403): Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now http://tfl.nu/l7gb
  Replies (11) Good night (3446) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
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  (432): View more from Texas

  This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.

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  (432): This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire. http://tfl.nu/8ui6
  Replies (10) Good night (2074) Bad night (995)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.

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  (843): She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that. http://tfl.nu/vu87
  Replies (14) Good night (6934) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.

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  (314): Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem. http://tfl.nu/kucl
  Replies (29) Good night (1997) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

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  (603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels (1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know http://tfl.nu/7nn4
  Replies (33) Good night (2858) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

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  (907): the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops http://tfl.nu/07bg
  Replies (45) Good night (10334) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.

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  (402): What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho. http://tfl.nu/a5a8
  Replies (43) Good night (5133) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

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  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (101) Good night (33902) Bad night (3566) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.

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  (717): Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag. http://tfl.nu/8k5h
  Replies (41) Good night (3153) Bad night (2952) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!

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  (347): A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me! http://tfl.nu/ye87
  Replies (16) Good night (802) Bad night (1149)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.

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  (702): Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter. http://tfl.nu/2ees
  Replies (26) Good night (1476) Bad night (15969) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.

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  (914): i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar. http://tfl.nu/zfa3
  Replies (12) Good night (4539) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...

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  (703): Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches... http://tfl.nu/6ywp
  Replies (47) Good night (8047) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt