By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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