hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.