A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it