i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
I'm fucking your sister right now.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.