Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize