About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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