No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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