his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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