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i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
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