I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you inspire me to be a worse person
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.