Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
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