I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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