He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.