It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever