im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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