You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
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he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME