She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Jerry, you need to find god
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests