Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried