Texts From Last Night · ATRiUS's Favorites

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ATRiUS's Favorites Texts:

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(406): View more from Montana

Its weird to pet your cat with a boner

(1-406): View more from Montana

What the fuck?

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(406): Its weird to pet your cat with a boner (1-406): What the fuck? http://tfl.nu/9pm4

Replies (48) Good night (1692) Bad night (8297) Order T-Shirt
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(818): View more from California

Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.

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(818): Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful. http://tfl.nu/9blw

Replies (15) Good night (1899) Bad night (4310) Order T-Shirt
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(540): View more from Virginia

just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping

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(540): just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping http://tfl.nu/3wqg

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

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(304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf

Replies (24) Good night (8188) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
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(310): View more from California

So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

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(310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb

Replies (50) Good night (14296) Bad night (1989) Order T-Shirt
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.

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(808): Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high. http://tfl.nu/emp7

Replies (8) Good night (5741) Bad night (799)
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(214): View more from Texas

I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.

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(214): I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed. http://tfl.nu/5k49

Replies (20) Good night (6461) Bad night (929)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

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(609): So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/c5bq

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(928): View more from Arizona

Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

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(928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

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(902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h

Replies (134) Good night (6485) Bad night (53639)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

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(201): If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box? http://tfl.nu/nvmk

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(720): View more from Colorado

She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

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(720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh

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(614): View more from Ohio

she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style

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(614): she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style http://tfl.nu/squ6

Replies (23) Good night (6421) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
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(443): View more from Maryland

hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?

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(443): hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"? http://tfl.nu/cmo1

Replies (23) Good night (1034) Bad night (5188)
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(970): View more from Colorado

He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag

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(970): He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag http://tfl.nu/538a

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(269): View more from Michigan

You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous

(269): View more from Michigan

If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.

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(269): You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous (269): If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you. http://tfl.nu/8o9h

Replies (17) Good night (6018) Bad night (484)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

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(504): She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. http://tfl.nu/znp0

Replies (48) Good night (9967) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
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(703): View more from Virginia

okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.

(1-703): View more from Virginia

I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?

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(703): okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar. (1-703): I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up? http://tfl.nu/a4zj

Replies (55) Good night (11276) Bad night (682)
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(256): View more from Alabama

I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up

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(256): I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up http://tfl.nu/q8f6

Replies (50) Good night (10016) Bad night (1419) Order T-Shirt

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