Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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