you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
