R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
