the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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