My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
