I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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