I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
