How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
