If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
