Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
