8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
