Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
