:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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