Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
