i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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