he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I could fuck to npr.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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