You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
