Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
